found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I am midnight drunk by noon
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
