worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
