nut hugger
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
