He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
