So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
