Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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