Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
