Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
