first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
