I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
