I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
