I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
