Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
