I like my sex mixed with concussions.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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