Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
