Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
