jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
