I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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