I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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