That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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