Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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