hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
handjob tips. give me some.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
