You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we're making bets on your personal life
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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