dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Dick very happy bro
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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