i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
