Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i think i just lost a toe
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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