But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
