***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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