just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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