put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
