you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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