He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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