Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
