There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
