I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we're making bets on your personal life
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
