Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
