We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
