So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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