Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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