Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
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Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
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I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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