So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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