New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
