It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you didnt know i had herpes?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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