I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
