Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
