I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
