I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
