Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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