Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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