I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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