She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
