I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
