Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
