She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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