At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
