The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
