I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
