Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
