There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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