the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
