Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
