if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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