I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize