Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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