Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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