I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
