Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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