"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
