in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
