yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
