How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
