woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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