I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
