Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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