I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
how does that bad decision feel?
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