I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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